meaning n meaninglessness

Why are you afraid that I will find meaning in meaninglessness. You must have observed that even I didn’t try to find meaning where there might have been a possibility of a little meaning. Meaning and meaninglessness had weaved a cobweb of delusion where I was stuck. Webs were not so strong to be broken, yet I didn’t try to come out of it. I loved the warmth of it when at times it suffocated me. But warmth had more peace than the restiveness of the suffocation. I traded suffocation with the warmth. I don’t know whether I was right or wrong. How could have I known from within. You have to tell from without. You will not tell I know. I accept.